Trust Your Intuition (Gut)

You’ve heard it over and over, “Trust Your Intuition” or your gut. This is a lesson all of us learn over time until we simply believe and know what we’re feeling is true. You learn to look at the set of circumstances in front of you without your emotions attached to it.

When you lay out the facts:

John and Mary set up an appointment to meet and discuss a business project.

1. John missed the appointment, didn’t call to cancel or say he was going to be late.

2. Mary followed up with a phone call and John didn’t respond.

3. Mary sent a text and an email and John still didn’t respond.

4. John text Mary back with 2 days later, “Can we meet between 9pm-11pm any day next week.”

Do you gather something is wrong here? Do you get the feeling something isn’t quite right? Ding Ding you win because it is.

If you don’t live under a rock pretty much everyone knows to be courteous. To be respectful of others’ time as well as your own. To put forth the effort of putting your best foot forward and to dig deep enough to find out just what is going on.

After several attempts to contact someone and they continue to be unresponsive and then they ask to meet at a crazy time is a huge red flag! Don’t question it just move on and make a note to self. “Remember this!”

You will come across people in business or personal relationships that want something. It’s been my experience that when it feels icky or strange it probably is.  When they ask for too much upfront beware!

I had a contractor in my food company that actually turned in their invoice (they worked at home) and I asked for their spreadsheet to review first. They actually said “oh I haven’t updated it to your request yet.” And my thought was “you’re billing me before the work’s done?” Yeah I don’t think so.  I politely said, I can’t pay this until I receive the work. Attitude swept across the room like a tornado!

In my wildest dreams I would never, ever do this.  Needless to say I didn’t hire her again and I went to a partner and said she’s not fit to do the job before she was hired and I said as much back then. I said “I no longer need her services.” They decided to have her work for them in their department. Funny two months later they said she did the same to them. Stop it, really? Say it ain’t so!

My gut was right upon the first meeting yet our company got taken for $2500 in labor costs with virtually nothing to show for it. I’m able to see right through slick talkin, really don’t want to work but want a paycheck kinda people.

On an interview I had someone ask me the first question, “When do I get paid?” Ha ha I’m like “Never, you have asked all the questions I need to know about you. Thanks and good luck to you.”

And on the other side of the coin there are those people that lay low.  I met a young man that through his writing was well versed.  Yet getting him on the phone or to respond to an email was like pulling hair.  Finally upon meeting he was not highly dressed and very unassuming.  Yet he opened his mouth and WOW!  I was impressed with his knowledge and understanding of a given area of expertise.  I asked him directly “Why was it so hard to get together”.  His reply was “I’m not that confident meeting new people.” Here is when I went ahead and looked deeper.  Even though it was bit more difficult to get to meet him in person there was a “gut feeling” in the way that he wrote.

After meeting and potentially working on an upcoming project he called to say he could give me 3 more references.  I said “I don’t need anymore other than the one I checked and your responses to my questions.”  Basically a good guy and really eager to learn, contribute and build someone’s product line.  If I don’t have a project you can bet I’ll refer him.

So in closing trust your feelings and investigate long enough to make an informed decision. The decision can be move away from this person or move closer and find out more. Should you need to build confidence check out our Power & Confidence CD and Happy gut trusting!

Tanya

Lines That Changed Your Mind #10 “Give Before You Get”

Give Before You Get

I went to a business networking meeting this morning and it was all about social media. I was with one of my clients that I do marketing for and he wants to do social media but doesn’t really understand how it all works together. It can be very overwhelming and I understand where he is coming from. He wanted to hear someone other than myself talk about it.

The topic was “Give Before You Get.”  The premise in social media is to share something of value. To contribute to a conversation and engage. Not to sell or be sold. And yet I was surprised to be hearing this. Isn’t this really what we’re suppose to be doing anyway? Online or off?

So many of us learned this when we were kids. I come from a huge family and lived in a neighborhood where there were tons of kids. I specifically remember playing with a girl down the street who had everything. She had every doll and doll house. She had a Big Wheel, Green Machine, which by the way I could never get the hang of levers to turn. I just crashed! She had a play house and jungle gym and on and on and on. Playing at her house was like going to a toy store and getting to play with everything you didn’t have. And I mean the good stuff!

I remember baking cookies with my mom and taking them to old folks in the neighborhood. I told my mom, “After delivering the cookies I’m going to Holly’s house to play.” My mom said, “Take some cookies to Holly.” And I said, “Why she has everything already?” WOW my mom was not having it! She sat me down right then and told me how lucky I was to have a friend to allow me to play with all her toys! She told me that just because someone has lots of stuff doesn’t mean you don’t give them your time, friendship and anything else they might need. She said outside appearances aren’t always what they seem. Not sure I really understood the outside appearances thing at that age but I got my moms message loud and clear on giving. So I often gave her stuff and gave my friendship as well.

That little lesson has played a big role in all my relationships which has funneled over into my business which is the reason I have clients from 15 years ago. I give more than I need to because I want to. For me, I just thought that’s what you do. I mean I could have told my client, “I don’t need to go to this networking thing with you” but he wanted to go. I made what’s important to him important to me.

Funny when we left my client said, “You’ve already told me all of that” and I said, “I know and the guy presenting did talk about other things I haven’t told you and I hope you caught them.” He said I did but I’m counting on you to help me with that.” I said, “Of course I will.” So the point of being open and giving without expecting to get often leads to getting anyway. So it’s important to remember to give before you get.

And last but not least thanks mom for the lesson that is still working in my life today.

Tanya

Lines That Change Your Mind #9

I was talking with a former client a couple of days ago about her fear of failure. She was so worried about getting things wrong, making mistakes, wasting time and feeling like a failure that she would work herself into a state of paralysis; she would talk herself into not doing anything. “Take a couple of deep breaths and relax Marie. First, it’s true that you won’t fail if you don’t do anything but you also won’t succeed. You have to get out there and do these things in order to get to where you want to go.” Marie smiled and said, “Yeah I know. I tell myself that all the time.” “Ok, that’s good. You know I heard a line a while back that went failure is the tuition you pay for success. What I want you to focus on here the fact that every time you do something, whether you fail or succeed, you gain valuable experience. That experience is the key to success because each time you ‘fail’ you learn more about what works and what doesn’t so you can make adjustments and changes the next time. Each time you will get a little better and, finally, you will be doing things really well and you’ll be moving along like a well-oiled machine.” I could see the wheels turning in Marie’s mind. “That makes a lot of sense. I like that line. Failure is the tuition you pay for success. I guess it really does sort of work that way. You ‘pay’ through mistakes and then you get your ‘degree’ which is the successful end result.” “So can you work with it thinking about it that way?” I asked. “Yeah I can. I really like that analogy. It makes making mistakes not so ‘wrong’ or scary for me.” “Perfect.” I smiled.

If you look at failure as the tuition you pay for success Marie really hit the nail on the head.  You “pay” through mistakes and get your “degree” as the successful end result. Making mistakes is something to be embraced because it gives you the chance to see what went right and what went wrong. You can then change things and compare. The more you do that the more you learn what works and what doesn’t and through that process you get better and better. Mistakes are what teach us and make us successful.

Let us know how what you think about this line or how you plan to use it in your life!

Jason

Lines That Change Your MInd #8 What About Your Body?

This past weekend I went to see the science center and saw the show Body Worlds Vital. It shows all the muscles, ligaments, tendons and so on in the human body. The organs, veins and all that jazz.  It was interesting in the ways presented. Cut in half, section slices, cross section views etc… The glass appeared to show the front, back, side and top view. Very surreal at times. Sometimes I became nauseous at certain things. Good thing I didn’t become a Veterinarian! ha ha

As we went through the exhibit I found myself wanting to know and connect with the person in the glass case? I asked Jason who is that? Why isn’t his/her name there? He/she gave their body to science, I want to know who that is and where he/she is from.  I thought what a way to give back.  Jason said “There are people on the waiting list to give their body to this show.”  I’m like wow, that’s pretty cool.

I came across a saying on one of the walls “Your body is the harp of your soul. And it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds. – Khalil Gibran

I thought about that, and thought what am I expressing with my body? Being a woman I sometimes drift into societal pressures. Is my body OK? Do I look young enough? How does this dress look on me? Do I need to lose some weight?

As a coach we get a lot of concerns with looks, weight and not just from women. We get men who have some of the same concerns. So my question to you out there is, how are you expressing your body? Are you feeding it the right good nutritious foods? Are you exercising to improve strength and elasticity of your muscles? Are you taking care of the vessel that caries you so it can take care of you when you’re 90? So what about your body?

Tanya

Lines That Change Your Mind #7

A few years ago I read a Taoist proverb that goes, “Every day drop one thing.” The philosophy behind it is we are all born exactly as we are meant to be. As we grow up, however, people pile beliefs, ideas, fears, and misconceptions onto us and these alter the core of who we are. It isn’t until we’re adults that we start to get a faint sense that we aren’t quite the person we know ourselves to be deep down inside. We know we were happier, freer, more alive as kids. The problem is we don’t know what to do about it. To get back to the original you that you started out to be you must start to drop away all those beliefs, fears, ideas, and misconceptions day by day until you are left with your true core self. “Every day drop one thing.”

Jason

Lines That Change Your Mind #6

Freedom is about releasing any thought of limitation, or binding and allowing yourself to be free.

Celebrating breakthroughs in life when freedom comes rushing in.  Freedom can come in many forms and at times, you may feel lost on your own journey, but remember you are free.  Yet during those times of change – a new relationship, job or living situation you may need to take action to break free from the bonds that bind you.  Just release and let go of all the feelings of unworthiness or shame and inadequacy or guilt.  Open your eyes and heart and claim your freedom.

Nothing can keep you from being free except yourself.  You are whole, perfect and free.

A popular American quote, used to express gratitude to the military.

“Freedom isn’t Free”

I have found that when I want or need freedom it requires me to make a choice about letting go of something else.

Write us and tell us about “a freedom” that you’ve experienced.

Tanya

Lines That Change Your Mind #5

So I caught a cold on Wednesday, it’s now Saturday and a big fun day here in Louisville, KY. It’s Thunder Over Louisville – The largest fireworks show in North America. I’m suppose to be out with friends on the waterfront celebrating the beginning of Derby week and watching the air show and then the fireworks – which by the way are pretty awesome I must say.

So my cold has made my nose so red and hurt to the touch because I’m constantly blowing my nose and my throat feels like its been scraped with a fork. Just sort of miserable to say the least. So needless to say I’m not at Thunder and I’m in poor pitiful me mode. I haven’t really eaten in two days and just feel yucky, cough, cough. I decided to go out and run some errands. You know go to the post office, then to the bank to deposit a check and to the grocery to get my dog some food. On my way home I’m pulling in my alley so I can park behind my house and there is a man in a wheel chair trying very hard to roll up this hill. So I pull beside him and he says “Sorry I’m in your way” I’m like Whaaaa? I said “You’re not in my way, no worries.” I get out of my car and watch him. With every turn he slides back just a little. Well I simply can’t have this. So I run over to him and say “Would you like some help?” He says “God bless you.” So I help him up over the top of the hill to flat ground.

We end up talking and he has lived in my neighborhood for 26 years and I’ve been here 14. I’ve never run into him once. We had a great conversation and I met a new friend. I am so glad he was “IN” my path so I could get “OFF” my poor pitiful me I’m sick path. I’m so grateful I took a step and extended my hand to someone I don’t know. I feel much better for having met him.

This is one of my favorite lines and at the end of my voice mail.

“Find A Place To Stand And Move The World” – anonymous

Let us know where you stood and changed the world? We really want to know!

Tanya

Lines That Change Your Mind #4

I got off the phone with my brother yesterday and he was pretty upset. He had been laid off for the second time in 6 months and he was feeling quite desperate. “I’m so sick of life treating me this way” he said. “I know things are rough right now but you can’t give up. Things can always turn around in the blink of an eye.” I answered, doing my best to keep his spirits afloat. “You know, I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see the future.  Then at least I would know what’s going to happen and I could prepare for it.” “Well, you know, the best way to predict the future is to create it.” I said. “What does that mean?” he asked somewhat cautiously. “It means that rather than leaving your future to chance you could be planning for it and guiding it as much as possible. There are any number of steps you could be taking to minimize the uncertainty of what is about to happen in the next 6 months to a year. The problem is you, like most people, have been taught that life just happens to you and there’s not much you can do about it. That’s not true at all! Your mind is an extremely powerful tool that can be used to shape your future. All you have to do is put it to use. Set goals, focus your intention like a laser beam on those goals, use affirmations, create vision boards, follow your intuition, then take inspired action toward those goals. Get out there and do everything you can to make your goals a reality. You’ll be surprised how, after some time, life starts to cooperate with you. I know because I turned my whole life around this way.” There was a silence on the line for a few seconds. I wasn’t sure if my brother was silently laughing or contemplating what I had just said. Then he spoke up. “You know it can’t hurt. I’ve tried it the other way for almost 40 years and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere I guess I can try it your way for a few months and see what happens.” I smiled. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

The line that changed my mind some years back was the best way to predict the future is to create it. Our society has a prevailing belief that life just happens to us and the best we can do is roll with the punches but the truth is we can take a very active roll in shaping our destiny. The more active we are in making things happen the more we can guide what the future has in store for us. Of course there will be bumps along the way and surprises but we can also regulate how we respond to those situations so we don’t get too upset and go off course.

Let us know how this line has affected your life or how you will apply it to your future.

Jason

Lines That Change Your Mind #3

Failure is one of those deep-seated, emotionally powerful topics that can cause a panic attack in some people just by mentioning or even seeing the word. Our society doesn’t like failure so we learn at a very young age to avoid it all costs. The problem here is failure is extremely valuable. We learn so much from making mistakes that we really need to embrace them.

For a really long time I was a staunch perfectionist and I was deathly afraid of making any mistakes or admitting I was wrong. Finally, I grew out of that and I am so glad I did. I have to say that I learn much more and I perform much better when I can embrace my mistakes. So today I’m going to share a line that changed how I viewed failure:

“There is no failure, only feedback.”

This line reminds us that every “failure” and every “success” is only feedback or a result. You take that information and weigh it, assess it and make determinations about it. If you’re getting the results you want keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re not then it’s time to change something. Then you try again and you get more feedback that you weigh and assess again and make determinations about. If you’re getting what you want then keep doing what you’re doing. If not then change something and try again. By taking this “experimental” attitude it’s much easier to see “failures” as just feedback to learn from and make adjustments by.

Leave us a comment and let us know how this line has changed your view of failure.

Jason

Lines That Change Your Mind #2

Today’s line that changed my mind comes from one of the brightest minds of our time–Albert Einstein. He said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I heard someone else put it another way by saying, “You can’t solve a problem at the same level of thought that created it.”

Both of these lines opened my eyes to the reality that, in order to find a solution, I have to shift my thinking…to look at things from a different perspective. Maybe that means looking at an issue from another person’s point of view. Maybe it means getting creative and thinking outside the box or maybe it means just relaxing, accepting the situation for what it is, instead of resisting it, and not thinking at all (you would be amazed how often that little tactic can bring insight and clarity). Regardless of how you do it you have to think in a different way on a different level in order to find your solution.

Feel free to comment on how this line changed your mind.

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Jason